Going to eventson your own

The fear is about the doorway, not the night

Ask people what they're dreading and it's never the conversation - it's the walk in, the scan of the room, the moment of not knowing where to stand. That is a ten-minute problem with a ten-minute fix.

Arrive on time rather than fashionably late. An early room is three people and a host, which is much easier to join than a formed circle of twenty.

Find the host first

At a hosted event there is one person whose entire job is to notice you, learn your name and hand you to someone else. Walk to them before you do anything else. 'Hi, I'm new, this is my first one' is the whole script.

At our events the host has the guest list and makes the introductions - you are never left to break into a group on your own.

Three questions that always work

'How did you find this club?' 'Is this your first one too?' 'What part of the city are you in?' None of them are clever. All of them work, because people would rather answer an easy question than sit in silence.

Ask a second question about their answer. That's it - that's conversation.

Give yourself permission to leave

Decide before you go that you'll stay an hour. Most people stay far longer, but knowing there's an exit makes the door much easier to walk through. Nobody at a good event minds someone leaving early.

Come back

The second event is completely different, because now you know two faces. The third feels like yours. Members who stay are almost always the ones who booked the next thing while they were still at the first.